My story: part one

What the fuck just happend? How did i end up here? It´s frikkin cold and my throat is my worst nightmare right now... Sweden? [Sväärjä]. I have weak flashbacks of Ian Rush, John Barnes and my red army at East Stand at Anfield but all i have now is Majvallen... liksom? Helvete?

Well, let me start from the beginning... i alle fall from the beginning, you know, början...

My story is invecklad and long and it takes mysterious ways further on. Jag är lost, jag har flashbacks, jag dont know exact what the fuck i´m doing here? I see a tall man with "snus" like a big black rock and he has huge sideburns [påll-i-såångäär]?

He claims that he got med from a legend in Monaco? How did i end up there, liksom? He´s a fucking fotball legend from Värmland, Sweden and he takes good care of me...

Wait i´m wobbling now, and cant really tell you further. Let me get back on my story and give some clues how the fuck i ended up in this big house in [Nää-seet] Sweden...